Confessions

As my littlest grows older I find myself having a stronger and stronger desire for another child. I didn't think i would feel it, but it has been keeping me awake at night, in the middle of the night, often near tears, with longing. It is in my thoughts every time I see a baby or a toddler or a preschooler or when one of my kids comes to snuggle, no matter how old they are. It is so strong and will not go away. It is a heartbreaking physical feeling that I can't seem to shake. A very real ache for that soft little life to carry and train ( am I nuts?) just one more time. I found myself unexpectedly googling for cloth diapers, playpens, and a Moby today! And the kids keep asking more and more frequently, too. What is going on!?! They know how much a baby changes lives and the sacrifices that come with a new family member (all worth it of course, as they are the greatest blessing the Lord can give you apart from salvation).
But I just pray and pray about it and know that the Lord has a plan for us. Maybe it includes this desired child and maybe it doesn't. I will have to learn a very hard lesson in contentment if it doesn't come...I just wish I knew why the desire has grown so strong lately.

Sports

I am not sporty. This family is not really sporty. Ok, so we watch some Cowboy football and some Olympic gymnastics and swimming, but that is about the extent of it. We like to ride bikes and swim and sometimes hike, or throw balls around...and there are lots of larger homeschooling families who are just like us. YMCA sports are such a drain on family life that more than one kid involved would drive me insane so we have stuck to weekly classes. Anyway, our homeschool friend network decided we would like to get together occasionally for the kids to learn some simple sports for exercise and coordination and just fun. The above picture is from our first sports day where we had a big kickball game...that lasted almost 2 whole innings. But the kids had fun and want to try soccer next time, and maybe volleyball. They are all learning and getting there.

Another Week in Fall

So here it is Monday again. Time is sailing by. Maybe one day I will find the time to sew up that dress I cut out last summer...as in 2009!
Anyway, lately I have been experimenting with curly hair. I think I like it. Must invest in some more curlers, though. I have also been trying to manage an October schedule. Lots oging on from scouts to family birthdays to reunions to friday school, to sports days, to lessons to homeschool, to clothing rotations to housework to church work---you get the idea. Lots going on. Not looking forward to halloween. Not a favorite holiday at all, and this year Jacob will be at a youth devo since it will be on a SUnday, and we will only have a very short time to trick or treat after services. And then there is the costume issue. I really am not into paying for costumes that will be worn for about an hour. We will see how cheaply we can get by, but on the other hand, my kids do tend to wear costumes in public, so maybe the investment, though tiny, will be ok.
The new van is fabulous! I really really really like it. Haven't made a payment yet, and that will likely cause the ooh ahh factor to drop a bit. Especially since I learned today that Emily has just 3 teeth left to lose before we begin ortho treatments--and all three teeth are loose! Man, the savings will never get built back up! But life happens doesn't it!
All kids are doing well and are relatively healthy. I think we are going to skip flu shots this year. We get the mist, but I am not a fan of having that H1N1 as part of the vaccine. i really don't trust it or think it is a big enough threat to innoculate, and I don't like being forced to get it in order to get a flu shot. We will take our chances. We will just keep up with our vitamins and try to stay healthy.
Well, i must go now. there is some online shopping to do for a very tall 12 year old who has grown several inches and needs some clearanced long sleeved shirts.

Ramblings of Young (actually Middle Aged) Woman

Sometimes I think I am just totally abnormal. Strange, quirky, eccentric, ADD...you name it.

Sometimes I feel young and sometimes I feel old. Today i feel younger. My hair is all curled, I have minimal makeup, and am about to put in my contacts. Sometimes i look back and wish I was 27 again, about to give birth to my first child, and about to celebrate my 28th birthday. I want to get the opportunity to raise them again and relive those moments, just with the wisdom i have now instead of the ignorance I had then. Maybe I am having a midlife crisis. The crisis is that I am having a LOT of difficulty dealing with my kids growing up, and with me growing older. Time is so short with kids...and then there is the aging. It happens, but I don't like the rate at which it happens. I know I am nearing the end of childbearing years and that saddens me even though I probably won't have any more babies.. Notice I said probably ;) ! 40 used to seem fairly old to me--after all I was 18 when my mom turned 40. Now here I am at 40, and I think looking pretty good and I know I feel really good, but my oldest is barely 12. That is good. But I am still 40, and getting older, wiser than I was in the past, yet I still feel like a 20 year old inside. Weird.

I do not regret staying home with the kids. I definitely do not regret homeschooling and I pray that continues through graduation for all of them. I do not regret my choice of husband. I do not regret becoming a Christian. BUT, i do regret the time I wasted on useless stuff, and the times I could have played with the kids but chose to sew or quilt or talk to friends on the phone, and I regret the times I was an "in-your-face, my way is more righteous" kind of Christian. Those people are so hard to stomach--and I used to be one! Shame on me and I apologize to everyone I offended. I regret wasting money on useless material things, and not saving enough, and giving in to my sinful side. But the things of the past can't be changed, so onward I go, trying to be better each day, messing up along the way. With some grace it won't adversely affect my children ro my relationships. And hopefully my impact on the future will be bringing glory to God.
I like being behind the scenes, doing what I do, most days. I like who I am, most days. I love my life, most days. I guess I am sort of normal after all...whatever that means.

On to Other Things

So now we have a "new" van.
It is a 2009 Town and Country. We love it. But I am cheap so i detest making payments. Still, i got the lifetime full coverage warranty so it's not all bad. Put a huge chunk of savings down on it too, so no big vacation for a few years while we rebuild the savings. And what we were putting into savings is now going into the van payment so bye-bye to that cash.
But we have a safe vehicle that will take us into the next 10-15 years of life.
Now on to the bank to refinance the house. Maybe we can pay it off before we are 65, this way!
I pray this is considered good stewardship of our blessings.
I just really, really hate being in debt, other than the house.
YUCK and BLAH!

car shopping

van shopping actually--online. my van is a 1999 grand caravan and i love it, but it is starting to get cranky with me--you know--things like the power locks don't always work, or they work but only on a few doors, or the a/c cools a little, but to get full cooling you have to turn it all off, restart the van and then turn it on--very contrary, she is....so we are looking at getting a 2008 or newer that we can put at least half the money down on and use the old van as a trade in---i want to have cheap payments so I can still put something into savings...but a new ride would be very sweet, and given my driving record I will likely keep the new van for at least 10 years!
we shall see.......................
I have found a 2009 town and country that I really love. hopefully we will be able to negotiate a great deal this week. And maybe we will also be able to get the house refinanced! Been praying about it, so whatever happens, is what is supposed to happen.

Annie has Arrived!

What a week! Last Friday i got our copy of the Nutcracker Revisited dvd, and this Friday we will get both blue and yellow cast dvd's of Annie!!!!!

I cannot wait to view them. The great thing is that a friend's daughter will be here while her mom researches homeschooling, and the girl will get to see what we and our hs friends do, on dvd! Can't wait to pop some corn and have a great Friday evening!

But right now, i have some cinnamon roll dough that needs my attention before church time. Adios all!