As my littlest grows older I find myself having a stronger and stronger desire for another child. I didn't think i would feel it, but it has been keeping me awake at night, in the middle of the night, often near tears, with longing. It is in my thoughts every time I see a baby or a toddler or a preschooler or when one of my kids comes to snuggle, no matter how old they are. It is so strong and will not go away. It is a heartbreaking physical feeling that I can't seem to shake. A very real ache for that soft little life to carry and train ( am I nuts?) just one more time. I found myself unexpectedly googling for cloth diapers, playpens, and a Moby today! And the kids keep asking more and more frequently, too. What is going on!?! They know how much a baby changes lives and the sacrifices that come with a new family member (all worth it of course, as they are the greatest blessing the Lord can give you apart from salvation).
But I just pray and pray about it and know that the Lord has a plan for us. Maybe it includes this desired child and maybe it doesn't. I will have to learn a very hard lesson in contentment if it doesn't come...I just wish I knew why the desire has grown so strong lately.