Do you ever just walk through life and feel lost? Feel like you are never doing enough and that time is running away from you and all the important things you want to do seem to never get done?
I feel that a lot. I love my family and I have very high expectations from myself in what I feel I should be accomplishing for them. But I often feel like I am failing because I don't seem to be able to get it all done.
Take tonight. We went to a movie premiere for our oldest son. I largely planned it and decorated and felt like hostess. Therefore I didn't get to do the big things I wish I had done, like visit as much with family and friends. Or take the photos I wanted. I got a few shots but I wanted photos of Jacob with grandparents, and siblings, and his father, and his friends. I wanted a shot of my kids together. I wanted to spend the earlier part of my day getting a picture of my youngest two in their new boots that they were so excited about. I wanted to help the neighbor by making sure we walked his dog. But those things didn't happen and now I feel guilty because the day is gone and it is 2am and I am up feeling guilty about what I wish had happened.
Why is life like that? I want to spend time with family, help the kids navigate childhood and the teen years as they figure out their futures, nurture them each day in the knowledge of Jesus and see them take Him as their saviour...but I more often find myself mired in the daily tasks, sometimes even neglecting a solid prayer life and solid bible time each day in favor of just trying to keep my head above water.
Then I am up in the night making lists of what God needs me to be doing so I can start fresh the next day. And hopefully not feel like so much of a failure toward my family. So tonight I made my list, have plans to get back to my prayer list each day, have plans to talk to the kids tomorrow about some important things and getting back on track, plans to accomplish things that are for His glory in our lives.
I think so much feels lost lately due to the recent elections here in America. Our leader is not a man I trust or believe in, and he is shaping policies for our lives and our futures, largely against my will. Also, the kids are growing...all five of them. They all have interests and friends and talents and needs, and I want to be what a mother is supposed to be for them in each area. It is hard and demanding. Everyone of them cannot get all of me that they need. I cannot do for each of them everything I need to do or want to do. And in all this I cannot forget my husband, who is quiet and hardworking and tired at the end of the day. Yet he slips through the cracks sometimes. How do I fix this?
I have to just do my best to focus on the needs of each day and try to plan for the future. So much goes on and we have to decide what to say NO to. And stick to it. And help the kids realize that they can't do it all either. The people in our lives are of prime importance and they have to be given time and love. God has to occupy our heart for this to happen well. God has to be our center, and we have to maintain that relationship first. It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day things that we reduce our devotion to God and our loved ones to a daily task. Our Christian walk with God should never be a daily task, and neither should the relationships in our lives. Husbands, children, parents, ...they are so important and yet often they aren't honored as they should be.
So tomorrow I plan to share this post with my family and to try to get back on the right path, first with my God, and second with my family. It takes effort every day and saying NO to the distractions we think are so important. They aren't that important. People and God are. Keep God first for He will never, NEVER, leave you. And do NOT neglect your family and those you love, for those you negelct may suddenly not be in your life and you will regret not paying attention to those relationships, and they may never be able to be fixed.