Odd title I know. But as you age, some things just get better. You really come into your own and feel much more comfortable with who you are, and your past experiences and your current status.
I think as I have aged I have become less and less concerned with what other people believe about me and more concerned with what God thinks about me and how I am doing personally, rather than measuring myself against others and their narrow definitions of what a Christian is.
I know more than I ever did before, yet I realize how little I really know and how far I have to go. I post what I want on facebook because it is my page, and i try to make sure I say things that I can fully stand behind. Then I don't look back. Rarely will I check back on a post if I have said what I need to say and it involved my opinions. If it is a biblical fact check, maybe I will go back and discuss.
I have found much wisdom in the words of Edna Mode from The Incredibles, " I never look back, darling. It distracts from the now."
Living in the past is not living. At least not for me. I have too much going on in my incredibly blessed life of a great husband, great kids, and wonderful friends and activities. I have no time to compare my life to what others think it should be, without detracting from living my own. Not worth it. Besides, I encounter far too many people who are too much like the old me (and I wasn't very pleased with the old me). She was judgmental by her own legalistic ideals, she was saved, but not doing much good to lead others to Christ in a loving example. She put a very bad taste in many people's mouths with her legalism and I am pretty sure she caused a few families to want to find another congregation and sever ties with friends. She was bull headed, tactless, harsh, and came across as holier than thou, because if you weren't thinking like her, you were probably not very Christian! Repelling is how I would describe her in retrospect--at least that is my opinion of her. I think she was probably tolerated as a member rather than actually befriended. But thanks be to God that some people did try to tolerate her until she changed. I am trying to have love and patience with those who are like I used to be, because I know (or at least hope and pray) that their day will come when they see the light. None of us are great at seeing who we truly are or how we are perceived by others, in the moment.
NOTE: Just because "I believe" I am a far better, kinder, person than I was in the past, by no means implies that I am good. I am not. I am a sinner, a work in progress, and will never be what I should be or all that I need to be. I need TONS of work. I just forgive myself now and start fresh each day. Grace is awesome!
Maybe I am not exceedingly better now, but at least I am not "her" anymore. I think that shows growth and that is what I am after. Always growing and trying to be more like Jesus wants me to be. Loving others and being kind in word and deed. I think all that came with age. Not finished, and never will be...and that is ok. It is supposed to be that way.
Age also brought wrinkles, gray hair and more body pain, but it has been good. It brought an awareness of who I am and what I am supposed to be doing. I started taking care of myself, which in turn set a great example for my kids of a healthy lifestyle. I started leading, and sharing and all that was good, too. I started sticking to the scripture rather than making up rules about how I think we are supposed to be. I found a few hard and fast keepers, but found many guidelines where we have freedom to choose as long as we aren't using it as opportunity to sin. Rarely will I judge anyone anymore. I don't know their struggles, circumstances, how far they have come, what the day has held. I just try to offer a smile and a kind conversation. Even when bad stuff happens with my kids, I don't jump all over it when others have different reactions than I would like. I just pray and try to keep perspective and kindness at the forefront.
So I am getting older and blogging much less. But that means I am reading more, exercising more, staying involved in life-- being in the moment. That leaves less time for stuff that distracts from the now. I may not be perfect (who is?) but every day I wake up and try to be the best I can be. Whatever others think, is fine.
I don't wear a superhero cape and never will. But I like "me". I am a work in progress and thankful for the journey. And that being said, I will probably talk more in a few months. Lots of life to live.
Side note: This started out as a homeschooling blog, but most days I don't want to write about that. I just want to share, like a diary. I am living the home school life every day and to write about it would be very tiresome. You can check it out on facebook instead...at least the things I decide to tell. ;)
Have a good one!
